Magical Michael

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I didn’t want to see “Magic Mike” when I saw the trailer in theaters. I didn’t care about Channing Tatum or his abs or any other movie he was in. Who cares? I don’t.

At my internship, however, I have to care and I read things about movies, TV, actors, etc all day 4-days a week. After a while…you tend to truly, actually care about these things.

In one review, I remember it said something like the movie was dark and serious and compared it to “Boogie Nights.” Well, I felt too uncomfortable during “Boogie Nights” so I figured maybe I’d skip out on this one.

My boyfriend, Matt, and I went to the AMC Universal Citywalk Theater on Saturday night hoping to see “Ted.” Forgetting that we weren’t in Suburbia anymore, we arrived 20 minutes before the movie to find that a massive line and the words “SOLD OUT.”

After a few insults thrown around about Andrew Garfield and the movie “Brave,” we threw $25 in the machine (yikes) and decided on “Magic Mike.”

First of all, let me tell you, California movie theater seats are the bee’s knees (what does that even mean?). The chairs are huge and you feel as if you are sitting on a giant pillow chair of dreams—despite the stains and the mountain of germs that probably exist on them. The theater was packed with groups of girls (with at least one gay friend) ready to get their undies in a bunch. There were probably two couples besides me and Matt.

The audience was the most obnoxious thing on the entire planet. Usually I don’t care about the audience nor would I write about them, but they were ridiculous to the nth degree. Right when Matthew McConaughey (man he was creepy and old in the movie)  came on screen shirtless, people started standing up and cheering and whooping like Oprah just gave them a free house. A few seconds later, Channing Tatum’s right buttcheek made it’s way into the screen which threw the crowd over the edge, getting my undies in a bunch (not in that way) and I wanted to leave.

I was expecting the movie that was marketed. Channing Tatum would dance around and people would look at his abs/junk. I was basically expecting it to be bad. When I saw cuts and colors and angles that I wasn’t used to, I thought maybe it would be different. Apparently it’s an indie film, did you know that?

Also, apparently, it’s not a happy film. It makes you feel weird. The audience shut up after 5 minutes because the stripping just…isn’t happy. You feel bad for them, and for Channing, and at how crappy the whole situation is. I felt guilty for being a woman, basically. The movie had stripping, drugs, penis pumps, vomit-eating pigs, boobs, parties, and cash. There was no Channing Tatum standing on the stage going, “hey ladies in the movie theater, I have a love boner right now for all of you and I’d love to take you all out to Panera Bread after this film”—it really woke you up. I think it was marketed the right way, for that reason. It took in people just wanting to gawk at men (or the people that actually read the reviews/synopsis) and really gave them a wakeup call.

I recommend it, but don’t go see it if you’re expecting to bring home sexual fantasies from it.

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