What do I want to do with my LIFE? (Part 1 of ~365)

Well, here it is. I’m at the infamous crossroads between adulthood and adulthood. Between college and “the real world.” Between headaches and bigger headaches.

You get the gist.

I’m currently graduating next month (August 12th if you want to be specific) and I am terrified. 

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I love going to school in Boston, but I’m moving back to the smallest (and possibly most boring state) at the end of August and trying to not be poor. Or something. Because right now I’m like 

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I’m getting my BA in writing, literature, and publishing so basically I’d like to think I have options…but then again at my little part time job every time I tell someone “Oh, I’m going into magazines/writing” they respond with something like, “Oh no sweetie, all the magazines are shutting down!”

Thanks.

But then sometimes people tell me how great it is that I can write and went to college and I feel like saying, “Oh well that’s all well and good, let’s hope I use my writing skills for more than filling out a Burger King application!” hyuck hyuck hyuck.

I guess it’s not really a problem of what I want to do, it’s basically where I want to do it. I already know what I want to do! I want to be able to write for a magazine, or online, and if that doesn’t work I am a great editor/copy editor (you know, when I’m not sitting at my blog in gym clothes eating a pb&j). 

I’ve seen things like this 

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from Slate

that show me that my best bet is in NYC. But here’s the thing: I don’t really want to live in NYC. Without getting too serious/depressing/boring, I don’t do very well with…seasons. I get kind of sad in the winter time, and want to head somewhere a little more sunny. And consistent. You know, like maybe California? LA is 2nd on that journalism job list, but there are probably over double the amount of opportunities in NYC than in LA. But when you read things on the internet about LA vs. NYC it’s hard to motivate yourself to think living in another city that’s dark and wet and cold for 1/3 of the year (or more?!) is appealing. 

At the same time, I think I’m young enough to make a “mistake” and spend some time in LA. Even if I hate it and move away, I mean hey, at least I made a mistake in LA. How bad could that be? Pretty bad for my wallet, but I mean…otherwise.

We’ll have to see where it goes. But for now, I’m stuck in Boston for another month so I may as well enjoy it.

If any of you readers here live in LA or NYC (or have lived in both?!) let me know your thoughts!

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Closing Time.

Couldn’t I think of a more creative title? How about “Good Riddance”? “Don’t You Forget About Me”? “The Graduation Song (Friends Forever)”?

I think “Closing Time” is suitable for this situation, I suppose.

Today was my last day at my internship. I know I haven’t written much about it (this is relatively new to me, ya know) but I’m sure in the next week I’ll go on a posting frenzy and talk about everything I’ve done here, all whilst crying in a bowl of Gorilla Munch cereal.

I worked at a print/online entertainment magazine for about two months–36+ hours a week. When I first went there I was terrified–I had little confidence in myself as a writer and always felt really uncomfortable just putting myself out there. It’s scary being around people that are so talented and well-known and I’m this little intern that waddles in not knowing what Drupal is or how to properly transcribe (still not that good at it..).

Over the weeks I became less scared and more confident with writing and taking initiative in the office. Some days were slow, but sitting in that environment for 9.5 hours four days a week were exhilarating nonetheless.

They even let me cover a few events, which is something I never imagined myself doing. I didn’t own a recorder (thank God for Best Buy) nor have I ever interviewed someone other than a college student or professor before. My first interview was with Michael C. Hall (for about three minutes, but still). The minutes leading up to it I had a full on panic attack for the first time since high school and was convinced I was going to just pass out/throw up during the interview. I took some deep breaths, put on my big girl panties (I always carry a few extra just in case I need some extra girl power) and followed the rep into a small room. Once I sat down on the couch I found myself not gushing over Dexter or asking him to slice my cheek, but having a conversation like a normal human being…and then promptly leaving.

I felt empowered! I met one of my favorite actors and found out that he was, in fact, human–like me.

My second event was at a fancy Los Angeles restaurant for an indie movie premiere party. There were actors and actresses there—notably Rashida Jones and Andy Samberg. I was once again anxious until I met with them face-to-face and thought, “Wow, they’re really nice people.”

People.

Working at the magazine made me realize a lot of things, but mainly this: actors, actresses, singers, etc are all just people. I began feeling sorry for celebrities every time I saw on Facebook what people were saying about them or the articles about crazy fans online (seriously…Justin Bieber fans are ridiculous). I kind of began to understand why celebrities would flip off the paparazzi or…you know, just punch them.

I learned how to report on celebrities in a respectful way, and avoid anything that wasn’t fact (or at least confirmed by their representative). I no longer had such a wary view on entertainment journalism, but in fact, enjoyed it.

Today, however, was my last day. I haven’t cried (yet), but I have bought a $7 chocolate covered strawberry from Godiva and ate some pasta (gluten free, of course).

After being there for 2 months, I probably didn’t make a huge impression on the company. I’m one person out of many interns, and many interns will come after me, and my name might just get lost in the emails one day. I recall a few days ago I said to another intern, “I’m afraid they’ll forget about me.” To which she responded, “They will. Just being honest.”

They may not remember me (although I hope they do!) but I will remember them. The two-month experience that woke up the confidence inside me and made me think and feel things I never thought I was able to before this (positive thoughts about myself? Who am I?).

The next few days will be spent packing up my small studio apartment into boxes and mailing them away. Saturday I’ll be hopping on a plane from LAX to TF Green and saying goodbye to the west coast for now, and returning to my low-middle class life on the east coast, working at a cashier in a department store. In September, I’ll have three more semesters at my school and I’ll graduate the end of summer ’13.

I feel kind of weird about it all right now and feel a bit ungrounded, but it’ll be nice to get away from the hustle and bustle for a month and see my friends (did I mention how much I miss them?). And who knows, maybe I’ll come back some day.

West Coast

I miss you
I’m goin back home to the west coast
I wish you woulda put yourself in my suitcase
I love you
Standin’ all alone in a black coat

Applyin’ to California

I was never one of those kids that always wanted to go to California.

I never listened to “Dani California” on loop or had musicgasms when “California Girls” came on the radio.

I never had fantasies about being friends with the cast of Rocket Power or sitting next to Tupac singing “California Lovin'” with the top down.

(I did always want to go somewhere warm though–I have killer SAD.)

Anyway, so I transferred to a school in Boston in Fall 2012 from a much less expensive school in Rhode Island. Transferring was something I never planned on doing and I guess the confidence boost somehow made me think I could go to California in the summer for an internship program.

Let me add that “confidence boost” does not equal “enough money to travel” because I, in no way, have enough money to travel.

So at the end of Fall 2011, I applied for the LA internship program thinking I might not get in. The program was geared more towards film majors than lil ol’ lit majors like myself. I also was a transfer student without a GPA so my chances of getting in against my super-smart/snooty/rich competitors were pretty slim.

Until I got this email.

Dear Kelly,

Congratulations!

I’m pleased to inform you that you have been chosen to attend the Summer 2012 term at the Los Angeles Center.

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What?

Naturally I did what the only normal person would do: I danced around to “Club Can’t Handle Me” and called my mom.

I accepted the position, but I had a few challenges:

1. Find an internship in a place with mostly film and music companies and gossip columns

2. Find the money to get there.

I obviously got here, but it was a challenge with a few stories along the way. I’ll update more soon and post pictures as well!